In September, 2017, 13 months after my marriage ended and one week after I officially filed for divorce, I vented furiously on Facebook. As far as I’d come in the previous year, moving ahead with the divorce was like ripping a scab off a healing wound, with all the fresh bleeding that ensues. So I found myself, the cranky exuberant introvert that I am, writing more and more personally on Facebook, filtering out a good third of my already very limited friends list with each revealing, vulnerable post. Plus, there was a whole side of my life I didn’t share there…or anywhere, really. The part where I was trying to date again…with all the hilarity and heartache that came with it. So I decided to start here, casting my pain and confusion anonymously into the cyber universe–and not worry where or how or with whom it landed. I long for the roller coaster I was on to net out to MEAN something. And I suppose this is where I’m going to sort that out.
But, for posterity, this is how it began, with a Facebook rant full of pain and exhaustion and defiance…
I’m at work on a blog I’ll publish anonymously so I have somewhere else to channel a lot of this current crap I’ve been sharing lately with some of you, my ever-dwindling list of FB friends. ….I saw a post the other day that said FB is not the place for your pain. Ironically, I’ve had friends and family tell me it’s not the place for my joy either. And to all of that I say, respectfully, “Fuck off.” To whomever has opinions on how OTHER people should love, worship, parent, spend their money, manage their fear, handle their grief, or share their joy…I ask, “Is your own life not difficult enough that you have energy left to weigh in on (or worse, try to thwart) someone else’s attempt to deal with the myriad challenges of the human condition?” ANYWAY, since this is my outlet while I get my act together with my blog, I want you to know that every single time I share something here, whether funny, sincere, mundane, proud, or painful, it takes all the courage I can muster. To put myself out there for what can feel like certain judgment. And to any of you who feel the same about exposing your vulnerability and truth–whether here or elsewhere, with one person or many–I applaud you and respect your strength. Because keeping the joy inside is lonely. And keeping the shit inside is toxic. …So, with all my heart, carry on.
And so, this blog, The Fish and her Bicycle, is my attempt to do just that–while working through the attendant self-doubt and frustration and incredulity. I will carry on.
The Fish and her Bicycle 